wednesday, march 16, 2022

what's the distance
between a nervous habit
and a ritual tradition?

maybe just time and the collection plate
or how much group dynamics and trappings of
the numinous you can gin up

but i notice how
a lot of us have lost all touch with the latter
while accumulating a distinct excess
of the former

p1k3 / 2022 / 3 / 16

Monday, February 21, 2022

why i don't blog much, any more

I read Tyler’s Why I Blog earlier today, and it reminded me of a draft I started here back in early January. I thought: These are compelling reasons to write in public, or at least I used to think so. Then I remembered I’d been been writing about not doing that any more.

I used to. Lately… Well, prior to a bit about writing on paper from the 7th, I last posted anything of length here in July. In all of 2021, I wrote 19 entries. This is the fewest in any year that I’ve had a blog, including the ones where it lived on GeoCities or still had a tilde in the URL. Reading back over the year, there’s not much weight to any of it. A few incomplete thoughts. Some rabbitholing on mundane topics. Mostly: Going through motions and repeating myself.

I could overthink this, but it isn’t warranted. The reasons not to write here are all just themes I’ve been repeating at (numbing) length for years: Self-expression in the open seems like an attack surface. A public record is, as much as anything, a liability. Kinds of text that once felt liberating now feel like an embarrassment at best. The internet in general is owned by bad people and has gone septic as a culture, even as it determines culture as a whole.

Besides all of that, writing on the internet in 2022 is a lot like photos in 2022: There’s just so much of the stuff. It’s not just that anything I write here might be used to train a language model a la GPT-3, it’s that increasingly it feels like it could be the product of one.

And so it naturally works out that instead of writing more p1k3 entries, I chat with my friends, post to a handful of people on Mastodon, and take notes in local files.

I still feel some kind of an attachment to this. It’s my longest-running project, more or less, and writing here has been a lot of how I sorted out the world for myself. Back in 2017, I wrote:

On the other hand. Writing is one of the only real powers I've ever had, and the surface of this terrible website is still mine to write on. The web is dead to me, as a hope or a cause, and the world it's made — the world that so many thousands of us helped to make — is in bad shape and getting worse. But why should I give up my only real canvas, the only place where I have any voice at all?

Possibly (almost certainly) having a voice is itself an illusion, irrelevant to the course of things now. But I guess it's something.

Over time, though, it feels less and less like something. On matters public, there are infinite voices. The repetition and variation, the algorithmic swell, is vast. If I have anything to say, someone else is probably saying it better. At least if it can be said in any useful way. The usefulness of saying things itself is frequently washed out in the deluge. The impossibility of communication feels like a defining feature of the age.

The only thing that’s left is whatever’s particular to my perspective, and it rarely feels like the networked ebb and flow has a healthy use for that.

Anyway, I’m repeating myself again.

For a while I’ve been thinking about changing the structure of this whole site into something less reverse-chronological, writing something besides the personal narrative that a blog lends itself to, or just publishing somewhere away from the public web. Maybe somewhere away from screens altogether. Who needs Substack when you’ve got a laser printer and a roll of stamps?

I’m not sure what I’ll do any different, if anything. It’s just hard to let go of something you’ve made at considerable length, even if it isn’t worth much, even if it’s just a habit of talking mostly to yourself. Maybe I’ll let it lie fallow for years until I get hit by a bus, or find some better use for the hosting costs and let it drop off the web without fanfare. Maybe I’ll change my mind about all of this in six months or a decade.

(Of course this is more meta-whatever.)

tags: topics/writing

p1k3 / 2022 / 2 / 21

Monday, February 7, 2022

paper again

What is it that paper has that the computer lacks?

The answer might be humility.

Paper doesn’t seek to consume and mediate all things — or at least the age in which it did so long ago fell to digital computers, databases, and networks between them.

Paper forms a part of the world computer, but in so many ways an almost forgotten part. Uncontested, or nearly so.

If it seemingly offers few features and little apparent leverage compared to software, then it also makes very few demands. It extracts little from the user’s autonomy and privacy, while remaining transferable, repurposable, cheap, generic, accessible. It’s not subject to platform degradation, malicious updates, DRM, new rents at vendor whim, or remote code execution vulnerabilities. There will probably never be a CVE issued for my favorite brand of paper, and I do not need to assume that three-letter agencies are automatically indexing its contents with the cooperation of its manufacturer.

What can be expressed on paper is vastly more constrained in many respects, but limited as it may be, it’s also open: To whatever can be expressed through ink, graphite, scissors, glue, binding, tape, staples, stitches, and filing. Paper can’t embed full motion video or execute complex instructions on my behalf, but neither are its possibilities bound by the hyper-elaborated techno-social systems that govern the display of media formats or the implementation of language runtimes.

There’s a line of thinking here that risks the kind of reductive rabbitholing on a tool fetish you so regularly get from people fixated on a process idea: People convinced that only plain text will serve as a format for any purpose. Zettelkasten devotees who will stringently insist that connecting notes remain grindingly manual. Angry holdouts lecturing mailing lists about the evils of HTML e-mail while the world conducts its business on Facebook and Slack. That sort of thing.

All the same, I think there’s something to it, just like there’s something vital that motivates a lot of hopeless impulses to digital minimalism and performative exercises in retrocomputing.

Here’s an age when the computer is the network and the network is a threat — simultaneously the only tool for thought and the thing that makes thought nearly impossible. It’s exhausting, enervating, periodically shattering. Its healthy effects are constantly overshadowed by its pathology. It’s owned by bad people and operated by a fundamentally compromised class of technocrats whose occasional glimmers of self-awareness can never overwhelm the home truth of who and what writes their paychecks.

Against this backdrop, other channels of thought can feel like an escape hatch, respite, a balm, a view of other paths that maybe aren’t entirely closed just yet. Opening a notebook, like going for a walk down by the river or messing around in a garden or sitting with friends around a campfire somewhere away from cell reception, can feel like sanity.

Of course paper is a technology, embedded in an industrial economy: And this, as usual, is to say that it is an ecological catastrophe. It consumes trees, soil, and landscapes. It poisons water and air, clogs transport networks and waste streams, facilitates consumption, and often assists in extending the control of computerized systems deep into the physical realm.

All the same, in the torrent of junk mail, grocery store fliers, BPA-coated thermal printer labels & receipts, redundant bills, bank notices, invoices, address change forms, fast food packages, and all the rest of it — well, the handful of notebooks and letters I spend in any given year feel comparatively benign.

(Drafted on paper.)

tags: topics/notebooks, topics/paper, topics/systems, topics/writing

p1k3 / 2022 / 2 / 7

Thursday, December 23, 2021

It’s 2021, and I’m sequestered in the guest house at my parents' place, waiting the results of a COVID-19 test.

When we moved to this property, late in the 1980s, you could still tell it had once been a prosperous working farmstead on the model of the early 20th century. Along with wooden barns, corn cribs, machine sheds, and all the rest, most of it decaying rapidly as pigs rooted around the foundations, there was this little house. At the time it consisted of two rooms and a partially enclosed porch. Much of the structure was full of raccoon shit and corn cobs.

Most of the original outbuildings have been gone for 25 years or better. The little house has been fixed up for guests, deteriorated again, moved a hundred feet or so, and fixed up a second time. We built a new outhouse once, but it’s plumbed now. Hooked up to the electric, insulated, with new windows and a new woodstove in one corner. The woodstove burns too hot for a building this size and my dad’s got plans to put in a wall-mounted propane heater.

We’ve always figured, and maybe my parents were once told, that this was the hired man’s house. It would make sense for the patterns around here. I know the name of a couple families that owned the farm at one time, but I couldn’t guess at who lived in the little house. A lot of the elders around here who might have had stories are gone now, along with most of the farms that they inhabited and worked.

p1k3 / 2021 / 12 / 23

thursday, december 2, 2021


the richness of the colors
that come early in a deep drought:

sometimes we have a false idea
of the variation within some range
we see as narrow

tags: topics/drought, topics/poem

p1k3 / 2021 / 12 / 2


Meet The Most Cherished Regular At Cary's Lounge In West Ridge: Mel The Bar Cat

chmln/sd: Intuitive find & replace CLI (sed alternative) — This looks pretty nice, actually: sd before after

Daring Fireball: MarkdocThey use curly braces for their extensions; I’m not sure I ever made this clear, publicly, but I avoided using curly braces in Markdown itself — even though they are very tempting characters — to unofficially reserve them for implementation-specific extensions. Markdoc’s extensive use of curly braces for its syntax is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking about.

We dramatically undervalue night transit

Rust: A Critical Retrospective « bunnie's blog — «JWildfire is a free and user-friendly image-processing software, mostly known for its sophisticated flame-fractal-generator. It is Java-based, open-source and runs on any major computer-plattform. There is also a special Android-version for mobile devices.»

grain.pdf - 2022/23 Grain Consumption Exceeds Production, Stocks Tighten

Remove `Get a free instance review button` ad from core (#271558) · Issues · / GitLab · GitLab

Overview: Children with Hepatitis of Unknown Cause | CDC

Cyclobenzaprine - Wikipedia

git diff's Deep Deception

authprovider: support registrytoken field in docker auth config by marxarelli · Pull Request #2868 · moby/buildkit

Per sign - Wikipedia — «The per sign ⅌ is a rare symbol used to indicate a ratio. In English, it can replace the word "per" in phrases such as miles per hour ("miles ⅌ hour").»

The different kinds of notes – Baldur Bjarnason

What DALL-E 2 can and cannot do - LessWrong — This is gonna get so goddamn weird.

Crypto Crash Contagion Could Go Beyond Bitcoin, Ethereum, Tether - Bloomberg — I didn't really have "figure out if it's possible to insulate my retirement savings from the volatility of cryptoshit" on my list for this year, but then again: If you asked a normal person, you know, two weeks ago: “How would it affect your life if the prices of some monkey JPEGs and algorithmic stablecoins crash,” I think most people would reasonably have said “I do not own a monkey JPEG and do not aspire to own one, so this will not affect me at all.” My guess is that they would have been right. My guess is that the real world is not too affected by the crypto world, and that if crypto prices crash there will not be a ton of contagion in the rest of the financial system. But I think it is, at this point, debatable. Crypto has at least started to work its way into the real financial system. Some traditional investors also own crypto; if their crypto goes down they might have to sell regular stuff. Some public companies are exposed to crypto (because they are crypto exchanges, because they have levered crypto holdings, etc.), so your boring old index fund might go down when crypto goes down.

Etymonline - Online Etymology Dictionary

Estimates of historical world population - Wikipedia

I would never buy Noodler ink... (tw: antisemitic picture) : fountainpens

Chickenpox - Diagnosis and treatment - Mayo Clinic — Haha fuck my life.

Header self-links gone?