thursday, september 24

i carry on so much conversation
  with the avatars i carry around in my head
  of all the people i know
  the friends i have made
  and the enemies, few as they are

i take so many imaginary stands,
  apply so much brittle casuistry,
  answer so many imagined
  arguments and stratagems
  so many unposed questions
  so many imagined condemnations
  in borrowed voices

that i often forget i am moving through the world
  as a kind of cipher, a quiet near-nullity
  whose contact with the stream
  of events and understandings
  is largely written in little more
  than purchased six packs,
  passed bowls, tips on restaurant tables,
  the occasional occupied seat
  on some airplane out of denver

and yet i wake from dreams, or turn the final
  pages of novels, and i am often possessed
  of the strange conviction
  that something has happened to me
  that i have reached some understanding which
  ought to be shared, beyond the bounded
  vortex of my own mind
  with all of you

the moment usually passes, these days
  and i thank what gods may be for that
  i am always and forever a fool
  but maybe i am not such a fool as i used to be.