thursday, september 24
i carry on so much conversation
with the avatars i carry around in my head
of all the people i know
the friends i have made
and the enemies, few as they are
i take so many imaginary stands,
apply so much brittle casuistry,
answer so many imagined
arguments and stratagems
so many unposed questions
so many imagined condemnations
in borrowed voices
that i often forget i am moving through the world
as a kind of cipher, a quiet near-nullity
whose contact with the stream
of events and understandings
is largely written in little more
than purchased six packs,
passed bowls, tips on restaurant tables,
the occasional occupied seat
on some airplane out of denver
and yet i wake from dreams, or turn the final
pages of novels, and i am often possessed
of the strange conviction
that something has happened to me
that i have reached some understanding which
ought to be shared, beyond the bounded
vortex of my own mind
with all of you
the moment usually passes, these days
and i thank what gods may be for that
i am always and forever a fool
but maybe i am not such a fool as i used to be.